In a world where stress and high-pressure situations are common, losing one’s temper can feel almost instinctual. The quick release of anger might offer a sense of control or superiority, but it can easily spiral out of control. Anger is a complex emotion, and managing it effectively is far from simple. Navigating the fine line between expressing anger appropriately and letting it overwhelm us becomes especially challenging when we’re emotionally triggered.
On the surface, it may show up as simple wrath or rage; sometimes, as blind antagonism or unreasonable violence. Underneath this emotion, however, are other emotions lurking below the surface. Maybe it is not mere anger; perhaps it is fear, shame, guilt, anxiety, sadness, humiliation, or disappointment disguised as a tough face.
Emotional regulation has risen to prominence as a means of navigating these difficult feelings. But is emotional regulation merely about handling what we feel? Or is it potentially a deeper means of addressing an old wound manifesting as a new feeling? In this blog, we will decode the complexities of our emotions and learn how to regulate them gracefully, transforming potential moments of conflict into opportunities for growth and healing.
Have you ever wondered why people get angry? It’s a tough question because, sometimes, we don’t even know WHY we are angry. We just suddenly find ourselves feeling unexpectedly heated, like a pot left too long on the stove. Anger can catch even the most composed among us off guard, so let’s talk about this shared human experience.
The Cambridge Dictionary defines anger as “a strong feeling that makes you want to hurt someone or be unpleasant because of something unfair or unkind that has happened.” While anger is often misunderstood as purely destructive, it is actually a normal and healthy emotion, just like joy or sadness. Anger serves as a fundamental human experience, deeply rooted in our survival instincts.
In fact, anger functions as a protective mechanism, alerting us to threats, injustices, or boundaries violations. It’s the body’s way of signaling that something is wrong and needs attention. It motivates us to address issues that could be harmful to our well-being or to the social equilibrium.
When managed properly, anger can be a powerful force for setting boundaries, driving change, and standing up for oneself. However, when left unchecked, it can become harmful, damaging relationships and personal well-being.
Healthy anger is adaptive. It energizes us to confront challenges, remedy wrongs, and advocate for ourselves and others. A burst of anger in response to unfair treatment can galvanize social changes and personal growth. It compels us to communicate our needs and reinforce our personal boundaries to others, helping us negotiate healthier relationships and environments.
However, the cultural stigma around expressing anger can lead to the suppression of these feelings. Often, our parents lacked the skills to manage their own emotions or to guide us in expressing ours, reinforcing the notion that anger should be concealed. As a result, many of us grow up repressing our anger, which can eventually explode unpredictably in adulthood or lead to its long-term suppression, leading to other mental health issues.
Unchecked anger can severely damage relationships and take a toll on both physical and emotional health.
Recognizing and expressing anger constructively is vital for maintaining emotional well-being and healthy relationships. When acknowledged and channeled appropriately, anger can pave the way for honest conversations and foster deeper understanding. By developing effective tools and strategies for managing anger, it can be transformed from a destructive force into one that promotes growth and positive change.
When we typically think of anger, images of wrath or rage may surface—loud arguments, fists pounding on tables, or faces flushed with fury. Nonetheless, throughout my years of holistic health practice, I have come to understand that anger can also be displayed through unconventional and extreme patterns: smiles, frowns, tears, excessively aggressive behaviors, self-harm, and even waves of laughter.
When we encounter situations that trigger us, our emotional response is almost instant, a rapid-fire sequence that often bypasses our rational mind. This immediate leap from stimulus to reaction is a survival mechanism hardwired into our brains over millennia to respond quickly to threats and compete for resources. This primal instinct has helped us survive and reproduce during our caveman years.
Thankfully, today, anger is no longer a mere survival mechanism but more of a fundamental part of the human experience. Our modern environment is vastly different from that of our ancestors, with physical threats no longer being a constant concern. Despite this, our brains have not entirely shed the ancient flight-or-fight response that surges through us when faced with what we perceive as confrontation, danger, or threat, and therefore still acting as a protective mechanism.
In my sessions, many individuals I guide through self-exploration share a common narrative: a childhood where the expression of anger was considered unsafe. For many, their upbringing was set in environments where anger was deemed inappropriate, where their emotional language was constantly scrutinized, censored, and filtered.
“Stop! No, You can’t!” they were often scolded. “Good kids don’t act like that.” Sometimes, their anger wasn’t just dismissed—it led to punishment or made them afraid, reinforcing the belief that their emotions were wrong or even dangerous. As helpless little kids, we instinctively knew that expressing our feelings could be unsafe. Parents, often seen as a threat, made us suppress our anger, or it would manifest as “naughty behaviors”.
Most people I work with—we find out that the root cause of their anger issues is this suppression. They were taught to disguise or ignore their frustration, leading to a reservoir of unacknowledged emotions.
Related Article: How to Control Anger? Home Remedies to Help You Stay Calm
As these children grew, their capacity to process and express anger healthily did not mature. This stored anger, trapped within their bodies, lies dormant until someone, often a partner, inadvertently triggers it. Suddenly, they find themselves amidst conflict, their reactions disproportionate or inappropriate to the situation at hand.
In my practice, it’s not uncommon to see individuals bewildered by the intensity of their emotions, desperate for tools to regulate them. They seek help, not because they’re overly dramatic or sensitive, but because their “emotional thermostat” was tampered with at such a tender age.
Compassion is my guide as I navigate my sessions with them, recognizing that beneath their anger are layers of possible hurt, fear, longing, shame, humiliation, envy, sadness, anxiety, and other difficult feelings.
Emotional regulation is a crucial aspect of emotional intelligence that involves managing and responding to the emotions we experience in a healthy and constructive manner. Essentially, it’s our ability to influence which emotions we have, when we have them, and how we experience and express these emotions. At its core, emotion regulation allows us to pause during emotionally charged situations and reflect before reacting.
When faced with a situation that elicits an emotional response, emotion regulation steps in as a form of self-awareness and control. It enables us to take a moment to step back and assess the scenario from a more objective standpoint, instead of getting emotionally hijacked. In this space, we go inward and ask ourselves critical questions like:
“What am I feeling?
“What’s going on in my body?”
“What do I actually need?”
“What are my options?”
These reflective questions are pivotal—they grant us the chance to consider our goals and available actions that align with those goals, rather than being swept away by our immediate emotional impulses.
Through the practice of emotional regulation, individuals can avoid rash decisions and behaviors that may lead to negative outcomes. It allows for emotional responses that are appropriate to the situation and consistent with our values and long-term objectives. It also equips us with the flexibility to face challenges and handle interpersonal interactions in more adaptive ways, keeping us away from more serious consequences.
Emotional regulation is a term often misunderstood, surrounded by misconceptions about its true nature and the mechanisms it involves. To fully grasp its complexity, it’s important to clarify not just what emotion regulation is, but also what it decidedly is not. This distinction is crucial for understanding the holistic approach required for healthy emotional management and the common fallacies that can mislead individuals on their path to emotional well-being.
It’s crucial to understand what emotional regulation is not. Misconceptions about emotional regulation can lead to ineffective strategies or even emotional suppression, which may be harmful over time. Below are some common misunderstandings:
In essence, emotional regulation involves addressing deeper, long-held emotional tension within the body, rather than relying solely on quick fixes.
Anger, much like any emotions, needs to be expressed, in a healthy way. It’s helpful to imagine emotions as energy that needs to flow freely. If we don’t allow anger to come out, it gets trapped inside us. This trapped emotional energy can eventually show up in the form of mental health issues, serious ailments, or muscle tension.
Many people come to see us to work on taming their temper, a prevalent issue that takes a toll on the stability of their relationships. Manifestations like irritability, resentment, or impulsive outbursts have the potential to severely impact adult relationships.
Often, these challenges are not merely the result of current stressors but stem from deeply ingrained rage dating back to childhood. As a hypnotherapist, my role extends beyond equipping people with anger management tools. I also guide them in uncovering and healing these longstanding emotional wounds, facilitating more sustainable interpersonal changes.
In our next blog post, we’ll take a look at how hypnotherapy can aid in emotional regulation. We’ll also discuss additional techniques to equip you with the necessary skills for effective anger management, so stay tuned.
It’s easy to think of emotional regulation as a fancy word for “calming down,” but it’s worth noting that “calming down” is not synonymous with “shutting down.” Be it anger, shame, guilt, embarrassment, or fear, suppression is not the way out. Navigating our emotions requires self-discovery. We have to sit with our feelings and acknowledge our pain, fully accepting even the most uncomfortable emotions and memories.
Remember, “the only way out is through.”
As a hypnotherapist passionate about guiding individuals through this transformative process, I’ve seen the profound effects of addressing the emotional roots of difficult feelings through hypnotherapy. This approach not only offers a band-aid solution to maladaptive emotional patterns but also digs deep into the subconscious mind, allowing us to feel our feelings and understand our traumas in a safe and therapeutic environment.
Take the first step towards transforming your emotional challenges into opportunities for growth and healing. Book your FREE Consultation Call today.
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