How to Manage Anger in a Relationship Anger is a signal you feel that you need to either fight or flight. The signal can be faulty, and the alarm can go off. When you are angry, the feeling of power, authority or revenge can be quite “addictive”.
Research on health and mortality has found that releasing extreme anger is just as damaging to the heart and the immune function as bottling it up. Getting very angry very often is a bigger predictor of early death through heart disease than smoking. Even recalling times you felt very angry in the past, can be dangerously bad for the heart. Anger can also cause us to do stupid things and damage relationships when we are enraged.
Imagine if you don’t need to struggle with anger issues anymore. You can gain more control and are able to remain calm, how different you would be?
Here we’d like to share with you some effective anger management tips. Remember, the process of developing self-mastery requires us to be completely honest with ourselves, and it takes some mental effort to build a high level of emotional intelligence through repetition.
Examine your anger critically. What makes you so angry? Filling out the Enhanced CBT map is very useful to figure out the triggers of your anger, emotional responses, and perceptions (limiting beliefs). Once you have more understanding of your anger pattern, then you can interrupt and change that pattern.
Anger, like all strong emotions works faster than the speed of thought. When anger comes, you need to stop and take a few deep abdominal breaths.
Analyse the situation. As soon as you’re thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but non-confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.
Learn to control your anger and calm the emotional mind through Mental Rehearsal.
Ask yourself: When you are angry, what do you feel you should be getting that you are not getting? E.g. not getting enough attention? Not feeling acknowledged? Not being heard? Once you find out what lies behind your anger and fulfil that need for yourself, the need for anger will disappear.
Instead of threatening, you can be more assertive to express your opinion. Imagine when you are raising your voice, yelling and being angry, is the other person truly listening to what you’re saying?
See the bigger picture, rather than having a rigid perspective, other than just black or white, all or nothing. If you find yourself often thinking, “I must be right.” It’s a limiting belief because sometimes you can be wrong as well.
In the past, our parents might have said this a lot when they saw us doing something they didn’t approve of, “it’s not right like this.” Now, to deal with the limiting belief that you had that no longer serves you, you can choose to melt it.
What if I can respond in a calmer manner?
What if there is no right or wrong?
What if I can be more open-minded?
What if I can learn something from her/him?
In this way, you are creating a new relaxing blueprint inside your mind, the more you do this, the more it becomes automatic and replaces your old anger conditioned responses.
Compared to talking therapy, a combination of hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, and havening is much more effective as it is working with the feeling mind – the part of the mind that has the learned anger response. You can easily unlearn the conditioned anger response and stay calm with repetitive mental rehearsal.
Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Seek help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control because it makes you do things that you end up regretting or hurting those around you.
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